Monday, September 26, 2011

Good Night Sweet and Spicy Prince

As I'm sure you all know by now, a great hero of mine passed today.  He was an incredible man and a pioneer, and he shall be missed.  So yeah, it was a really rough afternoon, needless to say.  

It truly came as a surprise to me.  You know, you never really think it's going to happen and then it does.  And when I was at work, just sitting there at my desk, surfing the net for the latest celeb gossip, it was all like BAM!  Yahoo News Feed.  Oh, only Arch West, inventor of Doritos®, found dead this morning.  Hit me like a ton of bricks.  Didn't even bother to tell anyone I was taking a personal day.  I just had to get the hell out of there. 

Obviously, the first thing I needed to do was go and break the news to Kevin.  I knew it wasn't going to go over very well, so I called him over to my place.  The moment I started to tell him there had been a death, I could see him start to lose interest, like he thought maybe Kory died or something.  But sure enough, when he heard me utter "Arch..." things got serious.  Poor guy basically went into shock.  I had to swaddle him in "Kelli's" zebra-stripe Snuggie and set him down on the futon I am often made to sleep on.

I put on a strong face.  After a few minutes of stroking his hair and telling him everything was going to be all right (even though I knew it wasn't), he finally took down a little warm milk and nodded off for a bit.  I called dad and asked him to meet me at the park since I wasn't really sure who else was going to comfort me in my time of need.

Of course it was a huge mistake, and all he did was laugh at me.  And call me a pansy.  AND give me wedgies.  But I'm used to it at this point, so whatever.  I just wanted to think there might be the possibility of some kind of bonding.  At least I was able to cheer myself up a bit, having first swung by Costco to pick myself up a 30 oz. bag of classic Nacho Cheese.  On my way to fetch them from the car, as I tried to straighten out my underpants, I felt an all too familiar residue.  Looking over my shoulder, I observed a big orange handprint on the seat of my jean shorts.  Even though he left without saying so, I knew then that my father really did share my pain.  It brought a single tear to my eye, though this was in addition to all the other tears from my father having hazed the shit out of me.

Back at home, Kevin was awake, so we thought it might be cathartic to share our best Doritos® brand adventure stories with one another.  Like where we were the first time we tried each flavor.  It ended up being a really fun time because there were always plenty of Doritos® around the house, in 17 delicious flavors (not counting those shitty reduced fat or baked varieties)!

1 comment:

  1. I was basically crying I was laughing so hard at this post. This blog seriously makes me so happy. And gives me a MUCH needed break from FELIX :) This is Kelli, but I'm too lazy to sign out of my sister's account.